Wednesday, August 12, 2015

The Beautiful Ones- Late Night Rants

My, how  I miss blogging. I miss writing. Few of you would know that I write poetry and have so many beginnings to books that I want to write. Many of you may know what it feels like to let time go by and realize that so many of the WANTS and DREAMS you had,have not made any headway. Maybe they were halted by life's roadblocks that cause us to get stuck and fearful in our tracks. Those times that pass us by are our opportunities to make memories. Not memories for the strangers we befriend on social media but for our own mind, soul, and heart. Those are the beautiful ones. The ones that are things we took initiative to do. The ones we put some thought behind or even the spontaneous, off the wall, harmless events like getting a small tattoo on your shoulder blade, getting a nose ring, going para sailing, or a exploring that Groupon trip to Punta Cana!  We have ideas of things we say we want to do- but worry of what the job will think, what our parents will say, if we will really like it, or even fear of a plane crash.

The beautiful ones could be found in the years when you are in your prime. Somewhere between 25 and 40. That's what I call it. Some may differ.  By society's rules, you SHOULD have finished college by a certain age, 21-22.. Maybe even landed a successful gig. We have failed to make our time here true to ourselves by doing what everyone thinks you should do. Fortunately, I did a lot of the things people in their 30's have yet to accomplish or dream to accomplish by the time I was 29. Three degrees, a great husband, a house built from ground up, and a successful career. yes, my grandfather wanted these things for me. He did encourage me. My mom nudged me. I looked up to successful people and told myself to go for something. So I can say that education was a want of mine. A great career was a dream of mine.  Not until, I really fell in love and was loved unconditionally back, did I want marriage. Everyone's wants and dreams are different. However, along those paths of getting to our goals we need to be smelling the roses. We need to be stepping out of our comfort zone and going for more. Sometimes more is less. Take that how you wish.

Now, nearing the end of my prime, I am stuck at a standstill making very few memories because I  have be halted by an obstacle on my life's journey. Divorce and guilt/shame associated to the divorce has me stuck. There are so many things I wanted to do, planned to do- want to do and memories I want to make. I have am almost 4 year old BEAUTIFUL daughter. I am not just saying that because she is my daughter, but because she was made from love. She is a kind and free spirited soul. She makes this life worth living. For instance, I wanted to give her a sibling but like I said I am near the end of my prime and I am divorced. My preference would have been this year to have another child and to have by the same man. But hey, I got her and I won't complain! I had a beautiful marriage and home and I am grateful for those memories embedded on this journey!

I started thinking about all of this while watching The Best Man(1999). It came on after She Got Game (The Game's mission to find love- another story for another day) and I watched it all the way through. Harper said, in his toast to Mia and Lance, that we can't get back to  what was or go back to the past as much as we want to. We only can live for today. Sure, we all know that. Yet, do we live this way? We have our focus on the wrong prizes and it shifts our pursuit for true happiness. After all, that's all we human creatures want is consistent happiness. When we do not know what makes us happy or how to be whole and thankful, we look for things to fill voids. We miss out on worthwhile experiences.

Time goes faster than a blink of the eye. Why not, go on that trip with your bestie or family member? Why not buy the new car? Why not get highlights in your hair? Why not start your own business, blog, write a book, go back to school, buy a house, build a house- whatever!  Oh gosh, pitfalls will come. You will make foul choices. You will wish you hadn't done a few things but i bet you will be grateful in the end for actually stepping out doing what you wanted instead of waiting around and just talking about it. Just do it! That's what Nike says. If it is not harming anyone, hurting anyone, go for it. You will have so many lessons and memories to share with your loved ones. We have to find ways to make the most of our time in the ways that bring value and beauty to it.

Which of your years will be the most beautiful?

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