Saturday, December 24, 2011

At this Time of Year

So, I was attempting to get some sleep while I can but I can't for a number of reasons. I have so many emotions today. I am happy at this time of year simply because it is Christmas. We have a new life to celebrate with the addition of Nadia to our world. We have a place to live and lay our head . For these things, I am grateful. But then there has been so much grief and loss around us these past few days that my heart hurts for them and there is no way to truly console someone when they lose a loved one. There is no way for people to really get through their loss but by time. I say this from experience... and at these times of year I really miss my grandfather.

It has been nearly 18 years but I still miss him. I feel that my brother and I were robbed of him. He was the human savior in our lives, being mom and dad and showing us how to survive in the hate inspired ghetto part of life. He taught us to strive and to believe. Most years on Christmas Eve, he would say a speech about how money does not grow on trees and how we need to be thankful that we have clothes on our back and not be sad if Santa doesn't make it to our place this time but Christmas morning, he would be sitting in his recliner, grinning, waiting for us to wake up to open the gift that he managed to stretch his wallet to get for us. He was even excited to see what we had wrapped up for him even if it was something made at school, or something we found around the house to wrap up again! He would be happy and we would smile. He showed us what people mean by it is the thought that counts.

At this time of year, I wish he was here to see my baby! I wish he was here just to open up the real gifts that I could give him for all the hard work and care that he put into me. At this time of year, I try not to sob from grief because there are so many things to be thankful for. I am thankful for those things.

Happy Holidays and remember that tomorrow is not promised so make sure the people that you love, know that you love them


Invigorating Beauty on December 24, 2011 at 10:54 AM said...

That was so warm and heart felt. And right on point. I was just praying about my lost love ones last night. But what really hurts ne the most, but I have to stay strong for him and the kids. Three years ago we lost my mother-in-law. And our kids have really been missing her more and more. My daughter asked for one thing she simply wanted her grandma back for Christmas. She said that it wasn't fair that she had to leave. My mother-in-law was only 43 when she passed. When she left everything changed. She was the glue that held the "Johnson's" together. Seeing the hurt in my husband eyes hurt me so bad. These times are always the hardest. All we have left are memories good memories. And because of her my husband is who he is because of her. And for that I'm so thankful and blessed.

Baby Shopaholic on December 24, 2011 at 12:08 PM said...

I can not imagine a lose like that! I know you will find some comfort just looking at Nadia's sweet little face! Merry Christmas! Wish we could be together, hopefully next new years we can come! Love you!

kita on December 24, 2011 at 2:52 PM said...

It's very sad losing a loved one but Christmas are the hardest believe me I know. I am determined to make this Christmas a great one because it could be worse. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Post a Comment

Total Pageviews